WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
1. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
3. My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
6. My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that broccoli is gone.”
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
11. My mother taught me about OVERSTATEMENT. “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
12. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”
13. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home!”
14. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
15. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
16. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
17. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
18. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
19. My mother taught me about TRUST. I promise I won’t spank you if you’ll just come down off that oil derrick!”
20. And last but not least: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
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Revelation 11:17 "Saying, We give thee thanks, O Lord God Almighty, which art, and wast, and art to come; because thou hast taken to thee thy great power, and hast reigned."
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